Attention all Members

ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS

TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR EVERYONE TO

ATTEND CHURCH, THIS WEEK HAS BEEN DE

CLARED ‘NO EXCUSE SUNDAY”! THOUGH

ATTENDANCE HAS N O T ~SAGGED TOO BADLY

THIS SUMMER, THERE ARE MAAY PEOPLE

WHO HAVE NOT BEEN SEEN REGULARLY–IF

AT ALL–IN SERVICES. HERE IS OUR

HEART-FELT RESPONSE TO SOME OF THE

REASONS GIVEN FOR ABSENCE:

1.

Cots will be placed in the back

of the sanctuary for those who

say, “Sunday is my only day to

sleep in”.

2.  A small first-aid station will be

open for those with minor, but

nevertheless incapacitating, in-

juries

3.  Hard hats will be provided for

those who say, “The roof will

cave in if I ever come to church”

4.  Blankets will be furnished for

those who say the building is too

cold, and fans for those who say

it is too hot.

5.  Hearing aids will be provided for

those who say, “The preacher

speaks too softly”, and cotton

for those who say, “That preacher

hollers too loud!”

~.  Score cards will be available for

those who wish to list the names

of all the hypocrites present.

7.  T.V. dinners will be distributed

to those who can’t possibly go to

church and cook lunch.

8  One section of the sanctuary will

have lots of grass & trees for

for those who prefer to see God

in nature. (We are working on a

small pond, stocked with fish &

duck decoys)

9.  Finally, the sanctuary will be

decorated with both Christmas

poinsettias & Easter lilies for

those who have never seen the

church without them.

Pastor Watkins

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